A Psychiatrist's House
by Bubblicious666
Summary: My first fic. Bella, Edward and Jacob get stuck in a house. Not just anyone's house though, the house of a a psyco marriage councellor that's bent on finding love for everyone. Plz read, I suck at summaries.
1. Step 1: Meet the House Guests

Disclaimer: Guess what…I don't own Twilight.

So this is my first story. The timeline would be after New Moon, I guess, but it doesn't follow the books. Constructive criticism is welcome. It helps me know what to do better and what not to do. This chapter isn't very long but the other chapters will be longer, I promise. Sorry if the characters are OCish.

Also, if anyone wants to come up with a better name for my story they are more than welcome to.

**A Psychiatrist's House**

**Step 1: Meeting the Houseguests**

"This is you're fault, dog," Edward said in an irritated tone. He scowled across the room at none other than Jacob Black.

"How is this my fault," Jacob growled, "You were the one that wanted to come in here."

Edward snarled back, "Only because I didn't know Bella was listening and I thought it would be a good way to get rid of you. I was never going to come in."

"Why you little, bloodsucking, son of a-" Jacob was cut off by a groan from the couch. Both boys looked at the poop coloured couch, and at Bella lying under a yellow and blue wool blanket.

"I don't want another cookie mommy, I want my 'eddy," was the mumbled sleep talk of the lump on the couch.

Jacob growled, "Her Eddy? Is that supposed to be you?" He directed the question at Edward though kept his gaze on Bella.

"Well, I think it's obvious she loves me more because she dreams about me," was Edward's snarky remark.

Jacob wasn't too happy with what Edward said so he replied with his own childish words, "She could be dreaming about me, you know, and just not be saying my name because she loves me so much!"

"But I want my TEDDY, NOW!" The screeched voice caused Jacob and Edward to stop arguing and stare at Bella, again.

"Teddy… not Eddy," Edward was suddenly kicked off his high and mighty throne as he realized Bella was dreaming not of him, but of her teddy bear.

"Emmett," Bella moaned as she rolled over from facing the back of the couch to facing the two boys. "Oh Emmett," she moaned again, her face full of pleasure, "Thank you sooo much…for buying me a new teddy after Edward and Jacob destroyed mine when they were fighting over who got us stuck in this house."

"You know…I didn't think that someone sleeping could say a whole long paragraph like that, do you 'Eddy'," Jacob said to Edward, suspiciously.

"You know 'Jakey', I think for once I might have to agree with you," Edward spoke in an equally suspicious voice. Silently they both snuck up to Bella, slowly lowered their hands to touch her body and right when they were about to tickle her they heard a big grunt, ripping and fighting going on.

Both Edward and Jacob half stepped, half jumped back as Bella popped up off the couch and ran to the hallway to see what was happening. Or at least that's probably what she meant to do. Being the clumsy person that she is, she only managed to get a couple steps before she tripped on the blanket that was on her and would have fallen if Jacob hadn't caught her. She looked up into his eyes as he set her up right.

"Thanks for catching me Jake," She thanked him in a breathless voice, "Now can we go see what that noise is." As if to prove her point, something smashed in the hall and there was more grunting going on.

Bella quickly scanned the room she was in, for she had never seen it before. The walls were bright purple, the floor a muddy brown coloured carpet and the only furnishings were the poop coloured couch, a blood red armchair and what looked like a radio that looked at least fifty years old. Then she noticed that something was missing, "Where's Edward?"

As if answering her question she heard Edward calmly, sexily yell in that way that he does, "Oh my fucking god! What on earth are you doing here Emmett? And _what_ are you doing with Paul!"

Emmett and Paul were here, probably fighting in the hallway. Paul, the werewolf that went crazy and attacked Jacob that one night. Then there was Emmett, the big, lovely teddy bear that had installed a radio into Bella's truck.

Bella and Jacob looked at each other before running into the hall. Bella this time made sure to not trip on anything. The scene in the hall was enough to make any self-loving mad man make poop slide down his leg and stain his skirt.

Edward was standing against the wall with a disturbed look on his face. Emmett was on his hands and knees while Paul had his feet on the ground, his hands on Emmett's waist and it looked as though he was doing nasty things to Emmett. Emmett looked like he had just been caught stealing cookies from a cookie jar and Paul looked like he was in pain.

"Oh my goodness gracious, what…how…when?" Bella stuttered as she tried to grasp what was happening.

Fortunately for her, Jacob had no trouble getting over his shock before he said something. "Paul, why on earth are you butt sexing that disgusting bloodsucker?"

…?

Yes, I know that was a _VERY _short chapter. Less than 1000 words but other chapters will by longer. I swear.

If you want to keep reading the second chapter will probably explain everything better. It will also tell what Emmett and Paul are doing (because they aren't butt sexing…at least not yet).

So that was the first chapter of A Psychiatrist's House. Wow that's a bad name.

Like it, don't like it? Tell me by sending a review…down there

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Please Review!


	2. Step 2: Asking Questions

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I still don't own Twilight.

So last chapter, when it was first posted, I forgot to enable anonymous reviews. My bad but I'm still new at this. This chapter is longer than the first ones and it took longer to write. I'm still open for better name suggestions. Sooo…on with the show, ummm… I mean story.

Also, I have a floor plan now so I will describe the house better. It might be up in my profile.

You may have noticed that I am Canadian. I spell words like 'colour, omelette and favourite' funny but that's okay because I have Great Canadian Beer!

**A Psychiatrist's House**

**Step 2: Asking Questions**

_Recap: __Fortunately for her, Jacob had no trouble getting over his shock before he said something. "Paul, why on earth are you butt sexing that disgusting bloodsucker?"_

As if jolted awake by the question from Jacob, both Paul and Emmett jumped apart. They looked at each other, disgusted, then looked at everyone else in the room. Jacob, in his black leather pants with no shirt or shoes, Edward, in a white muscle shirt with blue jeans and white running shoes and Bella, sporting a new neon pink miniskirt, neon green 2 inch heels and a black camisole with a white sweater half zipped.

"Bella," blurted Emmett, "What are you wearing? You can't wear a neon pink miniskirt and neon green shoes with a black and white top. It just doesn't go. What were you thinking when you got up this morning?"

Bella looked surprised at Emmett's forwardness, especially after being caught with Paul, before whispering, "I thought I was being outgoing. You know, like, 'Hey wow, she's so courageous wearing that neon stuff' type of outgoing. Edward said I looked good and I thought I did too," she faded out, unsure.

"Hhppmmmcchhh," was the sound of someone stifling his laugh. Everyone looked towards Paul. "What," he asked stupidly, "How could she have possibly thought that looked good. I mean honestly people, green and pink _and _black and white. There are just way too many 'ands' in that outfit."

"First, you get caught in the hallway with Emmett," Edward listed, angrily, "And now you're defending him…after he made fun of my girlfriend/ fiancée/ future wife maybe. And Emmett, you should be ashamed of yourself. With a werewolf? I mean, come on, your can do better than that."

Emmett looked at Paul again. "First off Edward, Paul and I are not a couple, nor are we doing anything like that. If you would like to hear what actually happened in the hall I suggest we find a room that has some chairs, so that we can sit down and talk like rational people, otherwise you can continue to think your perverted thoughts here all you like while I go and try to find a way out of this god forsaken house." He had managed to say that in a calm, collected voice.

"Wow," Bella breathed, completely stunned, "I think that was the first serious speech I've ever heard you say. And to think you said it all without once raising your voice. I swear Emmie poo, you're getting more like Carlisle everyday." Emmett cringed at the name Emmie poo.

"Fine," Jacob huffed, "We can find a room, as long as it's on this floor. I don't think we should explore the second floor without some knowledge of stuff."

Edward stared at Jacob, as though he were hearing something no one else could hear. He sighed before agreeing, "Jacob's right, we should settle here and collect ourselves before we do any exploring. We might as well listen to what Emmett and Paul have to say."

They all followed Edward as he started walking down the hall, away from the purple room and towards what looked to be a kitchen. Edward stopped at the archway on the right side of the hall that connected the kitchen to the hall and let Bella walk though its beauty first.

"Wow," she gasped as she stepped into the kitchen, "It's so pretty." From where she was standing, she could see an old styled fridge to her left against the wall, a sink on the counter in the corner and an ancient, yet beautiful, looking stove. It was the type of stove that you had to light with a match or lighter and turn on the gas. There was an island counter area in the middle of the kitchen near her right side. The island was an irregular quadrilateral shape (A/N: HA, math is so used in the real world Kelsey! ; P) that had a bench that fit two people perpendicular to the archway and two stools on the side right of the bench side. The stove was to the right of the island against the opposite wall that Bella was by. There were also cupboards above the counters.

"This is not what I had in mind when I said 'a room with some chairs' Edward," Emmett looked at Edward, although Edward seemed too interested in the white-tiled walls. Jacob was examining the floor, which was all white except a small stain on the floor that was a dark reddish colour.

Paul was rummaging through the cupboards and fridge. "Where's all the good food? Why is there no dishwasher? Why is there a pile of snow in the freezer with a piece of paper that says 'snow cake'? (Guess the movie that has a 'snow cake' in the freezer) What on _earth_ is a kumquat, or a banana squash or a fig?" He just kept babbling until he noticed that everyone was looking at him. "What? Why is everyone looking at me?" he asked, ignorantly.

Bella let out an exasperated sigh before taking a big breath, "Well Paul…There probably isn't any 'good food' here because no one has been here in so long, there's no dishwasher because this house was made about a hundred years ago. Nobody here knows why there's a cake made of snow in the freezer because none of us put it there. A kumquat is a sweet-sour, green to yellow-orange fruit that can be eaten with the skin still on. It's like a small orange or mandarin. A banana squash can be orange, pink or blue that's commercially grown in Florida. It's about 20 inches long and weighs about 12 pounds. Steaming it will cause a slightly sweeter, yet milder taste. A fig is a bell shaped fruit with a wide, flat bottom narrowing to a pointed top. They can be brown, purple, green, yellow or black and vary in size. The skin is slightly wrinkled and leathery. The fruit is often dried for preservation because the fresh fruits are highly perishable and the flowers can't be seen because they grow in side the fruit." Bella paused for a moment as she took another breath, smaller this time, "Finally, we are all looking at you because you kept asking yourself questions, you were babbling to yourself and you were making a great big commotion."

After Bella's speech, the room was deathly silent. You could have heard a pin drop. She looked around at everyone's speechless faces. "So," she began, breaking the silence she created, "I think we should eat, don't you all?"

"You're so weird sometimes, Bella, but that's what I love about you," Edward whispered to her as he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead. Bella swayed on her feet. They were broken apart by a smash in the hall.

"What was that?" Jacob half screeched as he jumped about 2 feet in the air before quickly composing himself. Everyone was giving him weird looks.

"Let's go check it out." Bella almost ran into the hall. Everyone quickly caught up to her.

The plant that was on the table near the front door had fallen to the floor. There was now dirt, plant and pot all over the floor.

"How did that fall over?" Emmett asked, suspiciously, looking serious now.

"Who cares, we need to clean it up now," said Bella, completely oblivious of the carpet mysteriously lifting up in front of her feet as she bounded, and fell, forward towards the floor. "Wahh," she shrieked as she fell forward, hitting her head on the side of the table before anyone could catch her.

"D'oh", Jacob literally hit his forehead while saying this, then added when the others looked at him, "That was second time she got herself knocked out in the last," he looked at his watch, "two hours."

"Yeah, well," Started Paul, "We might as well get her back on the couch in the crazy purple room." Edward picked her up and carried her to the purple room and set her on the poop coloured couch, again.

"And now we wait…"Emmett trailed off in an eerie voice as the two vampires sat against the wall at one side of the room and the werewolves sat against the wall at the other side of the room with Bella, lying on the couch, in the middle.

_Bella stood up. She looked around. _Where am I? _She thought. She was definitely not in the crazy house anymore, but that still didn't help her to know where she was. It was nighttime, she noticed as she looked at the sky through the trees. The moon was going through an eclipse. She heard a noise to her left and instinctively ducked behind a tree, miraculously not tripping. There a few feet away from here was a man. He was big and tall, like Emmett, but looked more menacing. _Oh my goodness,_ she nearly screamed out loud. It was Felix, that one vampire from Italy. He was part of the volturri vampire people. But he wasn't alone. A girl walked up to him. She looked about 5'4", and her hair had pinky-purpley steaks in it that were put in braids. It was amazing. Only the pink hair was in braids, and none of her original brown hair was in the braids. She looked up at Felix, put her hands on his chest and whispered something inaudible to him. That was strange. The girl looked human, but she looked in love with Felix. Felix was a bloodthirsty vampire that hated humans, didn't he? Felix stroked her cheek and whispered back, "Happy Birthday"._

There you go. I had to end it a bit early but I will post the next chapter faster. By Easter Monday I promise. Have a good one and please review.


	3. Step 3: The Sky is ORANGE

Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own anything.

So this chapter gets a long dedication to my good friend (the most annoying person I know) _**flutterby818**_ because I said I would post this for her birthday and I didn't. I am a lazy person. Get over it. So this is as long as the dedication will last because I don't have anything else to say to her. ………? Oh wait! I would like to say that she is the best motivational person ever at making people write stuff. She convinced me with her constant nagging to post this by today (Saturday).

Also, I would like to make a special thanks to _**FeatherDeath**_ because even though she (I'm going with that because she is obsessed with Edward Cullen) didn't review, she alerted my story. She is the first person that isn't my friend (that I know of) that is reading this story. So lots of claps for this person. Yes I'm cheap because I don't give out cookies.

Also, the only reason this is posted later than the day it was supposed to be posted is because my friend was bothering me about it and I felt like doing this just to spite her. So, if you have an account, go spam her author page. It's flutterby818 remember. She's also on my favourite author list. Go spam her, have some fun. J

WOAH! Did you see that? I just meant to go : ) but it made a smiley face. That just made my day. Alright, enough babbling and on with the story, chapter thing.

A Psychiatrist's House

**Step 3: The Sky Is ORANGE!**

**(Part 1 of 'Balls of Steel')**

_Last Time: __"And now we wait…" Emmett trailed off in an eerie voice as the two vampires sat against the wall at one side of the room and the werewolves sat against the wall at the other side of the room with Bella, lying on the couch, in the middle._

"Arrggg!!" Growled Jacob, "I'm so hungry."

"Well too bad," Edward snarled back from across the room, "We have to wait for Bella to wake up."

Paul looked from Bella on the couch, to Jacob beside him and to Edward against the opposite wall. "Okay, since we all know vampires don't eat and we, meaning Jacob and I, need to eat, I suggest that we should be able to go to the kitchen to eat while you and Emmett stay here."

"That sounds pleasant, Paul." Emmett said in a proper voice. The other three stared at him. He had moved to the armchair, sitting with one ankle behind the other, back straight and hands placed delicately on his knee. He turned his head slowly, looking each of the boys directly in their eyes. When he looked in their eyes, they flinched because his eyes weren't their normal gold-to-black colour.

"Why are his eyes gray?" Questioned Paul, frightened.

Any answer that might have come was cut short as Emmett let off a mighty cackle. He jumped up, ran into the wall and fell, unconscious. An angry green mist whisked out of his chest, or to be most specific his heart, and was absorbed into the ceiling, leaving the room silent, except for the echoing, cruel laughter.

Recap (Again): The girl looked human, but she looked in love with Felix. Felix was a bloodthirsty vampire that hated humans, didn't he? Felix stroked her cheek and whispered back, "Happy Birthday".

_The girl put her forehead on Felix's chest and breathed in deep (The first time I wrote this I spelt 'dead'. No idea where that came from)and exhaled while sighing. She looked completely comfortable in Felix's arms. It was strange for Bella to see another vampire with a human. It made her feel…almost jealous. But why should she feel jealous? After all, she had Edward and Jacob, a vampire and a werewolf. There wasn't anything more she needed. If that was true, then why did she feel like there was more of a spark between Felix and the girl, then there was with her and Edward. Edward was the one that made her fall head over heels, the one that would make her heart stop, literally, and the one that stopped her very breathe. She was infatuated with Edward, yet something in the way they held each other made it seem like her and Edward were merely high school sweethearts, while the girl and Felix were forbidden lovers that would stay together no matter what. It made Bella think about what she really wanted. Do I really want all this? Do I really want to give up my friends, both human and werewolf, and live with the Cullen family, forever? Before she could think anymore she heard voices calling._

"_Bella, are you awake yet," a smooth, silky voice called to her from beyond the dream._

"_Of course she's not awake yet, dolt," a second voice interrupted, "If she was, then I'm pretty sure she would be talking and walking and her eyes would be open." He sounded a bit frustrated._

_Bella drifted away from the forest, into the calm emptiness of blackness. Soon she felt her body land and her eyes began to open._

Bella slowly opened her eyes. This felt oddly familiar. She was waking up, lying on a poop coloured couch and having two guys arguing about something.

"This is all your fault, Jacob," she heard Paul shout. This shocked Bella. Why would _Paul_ be yelling at _Jacob_?

"It isn't my fault. How many times do I have to tell you? I wasn't the one that made you come into the house." Jacob tried to defend himself.

Bella looked at the two boys. Jacob was standing by the armchair, looking away from Bella, and staring at Paul, who was kneeling beside a dark lump. Paul stood up and strode towards Jacob. "You were the one to bring up this house and I (Stop poking me with a gecko) only came in to help get you out. So, yes, it is your fault." Paul started to shake. He looked _really_ upset.

"Paul!" yelled Edward as he stood up from sitting beside the radio thing. "Calm down!" Paul continued to shake. Jacob tried to calm him down but it was no use. Paul's entire frame shook. Bella knew there was only one thing to do. She had to valiantly risk her life to stop Paul from phasing into a werewolf.

"Paul!" Bella screeched as she stood up. She stepped towards him and slapped him across the face as she yelled, "Snap out of it!"

"Bella, you're awake," Edward said happily as he hugged her. Bella felt awkward being hugged by Edward. Now that she had seen Felix and that random girl together, she didn't feel like what she and Edward had was special. She shrugged him off and turned to face the rest of the folks.

"We need to bake a cake," Bella told them all, "And we need to bake it now."

Edward had a hurt expression on his face. He didn't like the way Bella pulled away from him. Jacob looked at her funny, "Are you feeling alright?"

"No!" she looked at him fiercely, "I need to bake a cake!" Bella was almost in hysterics, though none of them knew why. Paul looked at Jacob, then at Emmett.

Paul spoke up, "I suppose we can go to the kitchen and bake a cake, but please carry Bella so she doesn't trip on the carpet again." He got up, and with the help of Jacob, lifted Emmett and carried him into the hall. Edward was about to pick up Bella, but she followed Paul and Jacob out without looking back at him. Edward sighed and walked to kitchen alone.

In the kitchen, Jacob and Paul put Emmett near the arch beside the fridge before sitting on stools placed around the island. Bella came in and started scrounging around in the cupboards for ingredients to use in the cake. Edward came in and, feeling rejected, sat in the corner next to the unconscious Emmett. He stared at the dark red spot on the floor that Jacob had been looking at earlier. It looked like blood but he couldn't smell anything off it. Usually things smelt but this had no smell. He sat there, pondering, while Bella made the cake.

Thirty minutes later found Paul with his head on the island with drool coming out of his mouth, Jacob trying hard not to fall asleep, Edward still gazing intently at the stain on the floor and Bella, looking contently at the chocolate cake cooling on the rack. "Okay everyone!" She started, brightly, "The cake is finished."

Paul jerkily lifted his head off the table, "What? It's done?" He stifled a yawn.

Edward looked up at Bella, blinking his eyes. He had been looking at the red spot for half an hour. Colours looked funny to him now. Jacob jumped up, stretched his legs and ran to hug Bella. "Congratulations Bella!" Bella felt oddly comfortable in Jacob's arms. Edward coughed and they broke apart. Bella looked at Edward and was about to say something when…

"The sky is ORANGE!" screeched a feminine voice. A girl, roughly 5'4", broke through the curtain at the opposite side of the kitchen.

Bella was speechless. The girl from her dream was right there, in front of her. But if the girl was there, then did that mean that Felix would be there too? She didn't have to wonder much longer.

"For the last time, Kelsey, the sky is BLUE!" A man, or more specifically a vampire, replied as he came through the curtain too. It was Felix.


	4. Step 4: Balls Of Steel

Disclaimer: Hey Everybody! Unfortunately, I don't own twilight. Too bad for me.

I now know have people reading! Why, you may ask. Well because I have had 3 other people Story Alert this story. Also I have had two reviews from **FeatherDeath** and **orangemice311**. Keep up the good work: **Alice712, nal cutie, orangemice311 **and** FeatherDeath!**

The people I know like **downerheart**, **Lady** **Ryuji** and **flutterby818** don't matter as much.

This chapter is also dedicated to ummm **flutterby818** as a 2nd part of the last chapter because I meant to post them together but I was only half done, it was 1250 words, I didn't feel like writing anymore and I was so late at posting. Also I had to post it quick because I went to see the movie Prom Night. It was a good movie. Everyone in the theatre screamed or jumped and then laughed. It was so funny.

Anyways, I am rambling so on with the chapter. There will be lots of funny, I hope.

P.S. I'm still looking for a better name for the story.

Again with this story, it takes place after New Moon, but with the relationships of Eclipse. The events of Eclipse didn't happen, but Bella has mixed feelings about Jacob and Edward.

More rambles: I was sick and I couldn't write. Then I had to do stuff and couldn't write some more. But I swear I will start writing more frequently and post and whatnot. Or else my friend will probably stop talking to me and that would be upsetting. Sort of.

A Psychiatrist's House**Step 4: Balls of Steel…** …**Among Other Things**

**(Part 2 of 'Balls Of Steel')**

Recap: "For the last, Kelsey, the sky is BLUE!" A man, or more specifically a vampire, replied as he came through the curtain too. It was Felix.

The girl, Kelsey, turned to glare at Felix in an annoyed, loving way, "Last time I checked it was orange so- OWWW!" Kelsey had kept walking even though she couldn't see where she was going. She had stepped right into the corner of the island and fallen down. She got up and went to stand beside Felix. "Don't laugh at me," She said to him when she saw him smirk. The others all stared at them, dumbfounded.

Kelsey looked around before spotting the cake. "Is that cake chocolate?" She screeched, "I didn't want chocolate! I wanted vanilla!" Then she stared accusingly at Bella, "I blame you for that cake mishap thing. Humph." She continued to stand there when Felix moved his head.

He lifted his head and smelled (is that a word, I thinks it's supposed to be smelt) the air, "Yummm, something smells good."

"WHAT!" Kelsey hit him and pointed at Bella, "DO YOU MEAN HER?! HOW COULD YOU!?" Then she muttered, "Stupid vampire."

Felix glanced at Kelsey then flashed a grin, "I was talking about the cake but now that you mention it," he took a long, savouring breathe, "She does smell absolutely… mouth watering."

Bella widened her eyes and stepped back. Felix took a step forward, looking every bit the menacing vampire he was. Edward growled and stepped in front of Bella. Jacob also stepped in to defend Bella. Paul had secretly picked up the cake, brought it to the island, sat down and started eating it. He decided not to get involved.

Felix crouched and would have pounced on Edward if there hadn't been someone on Edward already.

"NO!" Kelsey jumped on Edward's back, closed her eyes and started swinging her legs wildly. "You will not hurt Felix. He's my kitty cat. WARFLOGITTY!!" She just kept swinging her legs in random directions and hitting Edward with one hand. Edward looked at Felix and raised a perfectly curved eyebrow.

Felix sighed and gently plucked Kelsey off of Edward. "Kelsey, honey, please stop kicking you feet," he purred in her ear, "You're going to get yourself hurt."

A tickle went all the way from Kelsey's head to her toes but she refused to open her eyes and stop kicking her feet. Jacob took a step forward to try to grab her feet but was too slow and got kicked right between his legs. His eyes bulged and he went down.

"OWWW!!" Kelsey shrieked as she stopped kicking and grabbed her foot. "Owwy, owwy, owwy, ouchy, vampire-wolf stuck on a piece of CHEESE!"

Felix put her down on the ground and pulled off her yellow polka-dotted green sock. It looked broken.

She squeezed her eyes shut again before yelling angrily at Jacob, "Gosh Jacob! Balls of steel much! Oww!"

Bella had been watching the display. She had seen how Kelsey had gone and tried to help Felix fight Edward and Jacob. None of the vampires or werewolves had ever let her help fight. Why did this Kelsey girl get to? Bella went and sat next to the still unconscious Emmett and started sulking.

Jacob, Edward and Paul looked from Kelsey to Felix and back again. "How do you know who I am?" questioned Jacob.

Kelsey looked up from her foot to look at Jacob. "Well," she started, "you obviously weren't Paul because you're not big enough. You're also a wolf, so that left you as Jacob." She said this as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Felix decided to explain a bit better, "She knows who you are because she's crazy. She claims a green mist keeps telling her what will happen."

Kelsey jumped up and exclaimed, "I am not crazy! There really is a green misty thing! OH, owww, stupid, stupid Kelsey!" She fell over at the pain of her foot again and then glared at Bella when she started laughing.

Bella stopped laughing and asked, seriously, "Why do you fall so much, Kelsey?"

"Why do pigs fly, Bella?" Kelsey replied, snidely.

Bella crinkled her eyebrows in confusion, "Umm, they don't."

Kelsey laughed dryly before pronouncing each individual word separately, "You don't know that."

Bella just stuck out her bottom lip and looked down again. "Ha, I win," claimed Kelsey as she looked up expectantly at Felix. He sighed and lifted her up into his arms. She giggled, "Yay!"

Paul stood up and decided to stop this before someone else got hurt, emotionally or physically. Plus he had finished the cake and the silence was agonizing. He cleared his throat, "Alright everyone, I think it's about time we all stop and sit down to talk about this."

"Good idea," Felix looked up and said, "Follow me." He walked back through the curtain with Kelsey in his arms. Everyone looked at each other before getting up. Paul and Edward picked up Emmett this time and carried him through the curtain but not before Edward saw Jacob hug Bella for the second time this evening.

"Are you alright Bella?" Jacob asked her, lovingly. He helped her up.

"I'm fine, Jake," she sighed, "I was just thinking about…stuff. You and me, me and Edward, Paul and Emmett, even Felix and Kelsey. I'm just confused, is all." She stopped and opened her mouth to say something but chickened out and said something else, "Are you alright?" she paused, and when he didn't answer continued, "You did get kicked pretty hard."

Jacob knew there was something else Bella wanted to say but he didn't push it. He knew she would tell him when she was ready. "I'm fine Bella. Now let's go. I'm sure everyone's waiting for us."

Jacob and Bella went through the curtain together and were amazed at what they saw. There was a huge bed with a purple and green bedspread, a massive television and a couple of couches. There were two loveseats, one red and one white, that looked extremely comfortable and a black leather couch that fit four.

Emmett was set on the red loveseat, Kelsey and Felix were already snuggled together on the white loveseat, and Edward and Jacob sat on either side of Bella on the leather couch. That left Paul to sit on the leather couch next to Jacob.

Paul spoke up first, "So what is this place?"

"This," Felix started to explain, "Is a house. Two male fairies, named Theo and Nikki, once inhabited it. Nikki was a psychiatrist, who loved to help couples stay together. You could call him a matchmaker of sorts. Well, one day Nikki grew violent. His lover Theo wanted to leave the house and become… a dentist. Pause for effect." He looked down at the paper he was reading off of, then whispered, "Oops, wasn't supposed to read that part."

Kelsey took the paper and continued the story, "Nikki snuck up on Theo in the kitchen and, in a drunken mess, stabbed him. The bloodstain on the floor haunts us all now. Theo-" She was cut off.

"Wait, wait, wait," Edward interrupted, "That is not blood on the floor in the kitchen. I was staring at it the whole time while Bella was baking and it did not smell like blood."

"Duh," Kelsey said, "It's fairy blood. You can't smell that. Plus with his dieing breathe, Theo cast some magic and messed up some stuff. Like he made it so you can only leave the house once you have fixed up you're relationship. That way, Nikki can never leave. Unfortunately for some, when they come in, they can never get out."

"Edward…" Bella whined, "Why weren't you watching me bake? Why weren't you helping me?" She put on her best sad face.

"I…umm…" Edward looked stuck, "I don't know?" Bella humphed, crossed her arms and looked back at Kelsey and Felix.

Felix gently snatched the paper back from Kelsey but handed it back to her when she gave him a puppy dog pout. She giggled happily, "Yay, I'm special!" She then jumped up and did a little dance, "Lala, Po, PO! Teletubbies, teletubbies, say hel-lo, UHOH!!" She then plopped down on the couch and grinned at everyone childishly.

"Wait! How did you just do that?" Edward interrupted, yet again, "I thought you broke you're foot."

Kelsey looked at him as though he was relish and he had just asked why he was being put on a hot dog. She sighed heavily before answering, "If you would stop interrupting I would tell you. You can't get hurt in this house, at least not for very long. You just have to say their name."

"But that pile of fat has been unconscious this whole time. You don't count that as being hurt," Paul butted into the conversation and asked about Emmett.

"Did you say his name?" Felix asked smoothly while raising a perfectly curved eyebrow slightly in question.

Paul looked offended at being asked such a thing but realized no one had said his name so decided to shout it out, "EMMETT! WAKE UP!"

Emmett jerked up, "I wasn't sleeping!" He looked around, "Wait, I was sleeping? I'm a vampire! How can I sleep? Huh?" He looked around again. His eyes stopped at Felix. He growled and jumped up. "Volturri!"

"Emmett, calm down," Edward said quietly, "We're all stuck here and we're all talking peacefully."

Emmett looked around some more, "Oh, okay then." He sat back down and motioned for them to continue their conversation.

Bella stood up suddenly and ran out through the curtain back into the (umm place behind the curtain…what is it…oh) kitchen. Edward and Jacob both jumped up when they heard Bella scream. Paul and Emmett also stood up, just not so quickly. The four of them ran through the curtain to see what happened while Kelsey just leaned back and laughed, "And so it begins."

All right!! Finally Done!

I would now like to say that if you are still reading this story you are wonderful. I'm so pathetic right now with the writing. I am spelling every second word wrong and it took forever for me to write this. Also I remembered halfway through this chapter that I had my New Moon book back and I could've checked up on characters but chose not too. So if everyone is really OC or whatever then too bad for you.

Be happy, Review. : P


	5. SORRY!

Hey everyone!

This is not a chapter!

I just want to say that I probably won't update until late June,early July.

I haven't given up, I'm just too blahhhed right now to write. Plus if you're still reading this story even though I suck at updating, and even though it's really random, then you can wait a month or so to read a good chapter as opposed to a chapter that was done in 2 minutes and probably isn't really good.

Also when I update again I will replace this with a chapter and add the next chapter AT THE SAME TIME! It's amazing.

Thanks.


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